should i stay, or should i go...

i have always been a social person. i was the girl who would make it a personal goal to introduce myself to every person at a function, and i do mean every person. so i find it kind of odd that i have opted to stay home and watch jane goodall, or bones instead of joining my friends for libations. it's not that i don't want to see them, i just can't muster enthusiasm to be around others. i suppose i have had to learn to like my own company since my hubby has been in and out for weeks at a time, but i have always used that time as a way to hang out just with friends. i miss the light-hearted hang-outs of yore. we used to just be able to get together, drink, laugh, now it always feels strained. everyone with their busy lives. i was told that i can be too clingy, and that sort of thing sticks with you, however, now that i have let go there is no one out there to let go of. i dunno, i miss having a regular group. i ahve wasted too much time and energy trying to be friends with people who don't return the favor, i want my friends to like me and like spending time with me, i surely do them. eh, fuck 'em.

money money money

so i had a show last night at La Iglesia, the new building we are using for the Albuquerque Arts Consortium. The AAC is a non profit organization i have become involved with whos goal is to offer arts education to the albq community at low to no cost. We are just getting off the ground and this party/show last night was a way to introduce us to the community. I sold two pieces! it was great, i was not expecting it, my show will be up for a month, so i thought it would take a while to generate business, but this was awesome! i feel great, a little elated and it is always kinda sad to see a piece go... but what am i trying to do here!? anyway i just feel great about it and it is giving me a renewed sense of acomplishment; and motivation.

black holes and revelations

I came across some poems, and thought about writing again... it's been a while, i thought i would post them

he killed the eel to feel the pill
steal the quill that fuels the fire
a flock of found feathers flew
through the thickest thicket
thought of you yellow and yawning
youth yammered on an ocean of organs
open to total autonomy
treachery treads lightly to deal with dominatrix
deadly deals were dealt to the left
listen to long loud laughs light up the moon
must I move motionless and mindlessly melting?
magnificent



YOU LOOK THROUGH
SCRATCHED LENSES
AT MY PERFECTION
NOT SEEING THE REASON
MY TONGUE IS TIED
AND FORCIBLY, I REMOVE MYSELF
FROM THE ROOM




find the flawless feature that eludes most
open my eyes to the thought of you
a sideways glance that says too much
you stop yourself and I feel incriminated
all that I can’t say spills out through my eyes
and I have to look away
thoughts thought through thinking things
so much is understood
with out having to say it
I threw you the obvious, sings Maynard
and it makes me think
you will never know
you say things you shouldn’t
I think things I shouldn’t
I want things I shouldn’t


listlessly waiting for the truth to lead me
patience is a virtue I do not possess
wanting everything
all at once
traveling through
a stained glass world and finding a circular past
motionless I stand at a gate
forbidden
you taunt me from the other side
wanting to fade into arms
and legs
an ocean of flesh
too much is a good thing
ecstasy and agony arrive with you
joining us on a passion high


Through the fog of the scent
Of nag champa or patchouli
I see you, not the you that other people see,
But the real you
The you they write novels about
The you they make speeches about
This could be about two people
This is about two people
About two people I can’t get enough of
Both you and you
The ones who enter my brain and won’t leave
The ones who invade my thoughts and
Dreams
The two who make me beautiful