I am an artist, a wife, a mother, a friend, a deviant and a special education teacher. I say artist first because I cease to be sane if i don't work on my art, seriously, I have to go into therapy... My work is an evolution of my experiences and philosophy. It spans multiple mediums and subjects, most recently focusing on the balance of expression and form. I spend a lot of time on chaos theory and macro/micro theory. The theory of balance and entropy in the universe fuels my inspiration. I love movies and philosophy, sometimes spiraling into deep conversations about both. These are my musings and thoughts, as well as insight into my artistic process and my work
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so i felt better today, i am working on a new piece, it follows the sunflower/ galaxy work, some examples of this are at http://CaitlinGPadilla.imagekind.com/, if anyone reads this and is curious. i talked to my friends about forgiveness and healing. i think those are important. i can only learn if i can forgive myself, anyway... moving on
So this is my blog, sending this out into the great unknown... I have a strange feeling, this is a diary, something personal of mine for everyone else. I am an artist, and my personal thoughts have been out for the world to see for some time now, but never as concrete as a written account. the term "the human condition" is never used to describe something positive, it is only when we have shown our flawed humanity that we label it a condition. why? i have been having a difficult time, i have lost myself. i don't come from a broken home, or a tortured past, all of the torturing has come from myself. my art has always served as a way for me to communicate, to connect, to be something. i don't know what it means, but i am on this journey to find out. i have been in denial, of myself, of what it means to be me. i have let my life run on auto pilot, and i don't like where it has gone. i am ready, and my art has helped my figure out what i am ready for. this is beginning to sound trite, i don't know, maybe i should think of this really as my diary. i have kept diaries throughout my life, but somehow this feels like a soapbox. i find it hard to come right out and say what i feel. my thoughts become so jumbled when i try to write them down. i feel much more free when i paint or draw, the thoughts come into focus and i am articulate. when i create all of the bullshit stops, and for that time when i am lost in the work i am more myself than any other time. i have just graduated from college, after spending nine years on and off, but i don't feel any more accomplished. i feel lost, like all of the sudden i got off a plane in a foreign country with no knowledge of culture or language or even a map. how am i so unprepared? the only thing i know how to do is make art.