I am an artist, a wife, a mother, a friend, a deviant and a special education teacher. I say artist first because I cease to be sane if i don't work on my art, seriously, I have to go into therapy... My work is an evolution of my experiences and philosophy. It spans multiple mediums and subjects, most recently focusing on the balance of expression and form. I spend a lot of time on chaos theory and macro/micro theory. The theory of balance and entropy in the universe fuels my inspiration. I love movies and philosophy, sometimes spiraling into deep conversations about both. These are my musings and thoughts, as well as insight into my artistic process and my work
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Here are the first two in a new series I am working on. I really love working on black paper and the human form. I started them as a way to get back to basics. I have been doing a lot of complex, vibrant pieces, so I thought this would be a nice change. I always have to remind myself that change is good. It's hard at first, but inevitably, I always feel better once I have accepted it. I am working on another two, and maybe more. They are a lot of fun.
I just started going through my art room, I have to pack it up to do some re-modeling, and i found my sketch books from as far back as high school. I used to journal a whole lot. I have found that writing things down helps me a great deal when I am working through something emotional or creatively blocked. It was really neat going through all of my past work, thinking about what was going on in my life. It is a great reference to my life. I am glad I have always kept them and continue to use them as a sort of therapy. I sometimes get lost in the sentiments and feelings and memories they bring back. I have forgotten quite a bit of my life already. Its good to have those reminders and memories. I love the nostalgic feeling. I also think it is very cool to look at my evolution as an artist. Some of my work seems like another person did it. I still find things that i love and am proud of. I can see the beginnings of my themes and subject matter. Some ideas were just not ready six years ago, but I can create them now. Other creations and themes I have left behind, like an old lover, to be sealed in time with fondness. I hope that, in another ten years, I can look back at my work now and think the same thing.
First off, this is not a depressed rant. More of an intellectual musing. I have found that I have a very hard time letting go of people. Maybe it stems from my own fear of being forgotten. It is rare that my feelings for someone change. If I like you, I will probably always like you. If you were ever my friend, I will most likely love to pickup right where we were. I will always call you back, I will always remember what it was like, and how we had fun. I miss people terribly, and I frequently wish old friends would get back in touch. I have many friends whom I don't agree with about politics or religion, but I still consider them friends. I'm not sure how people do it. How can people just stop being friends. There has to be something huge to make me not want to have a relationship with someone. Is this the same for others? It makes me think that I have done something to make them just want to forget me. It is troubling, and I don't know how to reconcile it within myself. I understand that life changes, and situations change. People move, and grow up. Life gets busy and goals change, but a good friend is always a good thing. I'd like to think that I am a good friend. I'd like to think that I am unforgettable, like most people, I imagine. I thrive on human contact. Maybe others just don't. They don't need others around to stimulate their intellect or to empathize with the human experience. I just don't get how you can have such a connection with another person, share moments, experiences and feelings, and then nothing. I am not someone who feels awkward or regrets any experience, good or bad, with someone. I think it all is part of the tapestry that is the relationship. Anyway, that is all.