healing

so i felt better today, i am working on a new piece, it follows the sunflower/ galaxy work, some examples of this are at http://CaitlinGPadilla.imagekind.com/, if anyone reads this and is curious. i talked to my friends about forgiveness and healing. i think those are important. i can only learn if i can forgive myself, anyway... moving on

The human condition

So this is my blog, sending this out into the great unknown... I have a strange feeling, this is a diary, something personal of mine for everyone else. I am an artist, and my personal thoughts have been out for the world to see for some time now, but never as concrete as a written account. the term "the human condition" is never used to describe something positive, it is only when we have shown our flawed humanity that we label it a condition. why? i have been having a difficult time, i have lost myself. i don't come from a broken home, or a tortured past, all of the torturing has come from myself. my art has always served as a way for me to communicate, to connect, to be something. i don't know what it means, but i am on this journey to find out. i have been in denial, of myself, of what it means to be me. i have let my life run on auto pilot, and i don't like where it has gone. i am ready, and my art has helped my figure out what i am ready for. this is beginning to sound trite, i don't know, maybe i should think of this really as my diary. i have kept diaries throughout my life, but somehow this feels like a soapbox. i find it hard to come right out and say what i feel. my thoughts become so jumbled when i try to write them down. i feel much more free when i paint or draw, the thoughts come into focus and i am articulate. when i create all of the bullshit stops, and for that time when i am lost in the work i am more myself than any other time. i have just graduated from college, after spending nine years on and off, but i don't feel any more accomplished. i feel lost, like all of the sudden i got off a plane in a foreign country with no knowledge of culture or language or even a map. how am i so unprepared? the only thing i know how to do is make art.