summer is upon us

so, the thought occured to me that no matter how far i have come, or think i've come, there is so much more out there. every once in a while something will happen that shakes you to your core. sometimes it will be something sudden, or a series of sudden events. sometimes it can be a slow build giving you false enlightenment, then humbling you immediately after. i feel like i am on an edge, and i can't see what's on the other side. i need to release my inhibitions and worries and just go with my gut. i think it is difficult to reconsile my heart and my head sometimes. it is always better when i have an outlet. inevitably these shifts mark a huge change in my life. the prospects for buying a house, and having a studio are looking up. if all of us can get through this change that is beginning. we do live in interesting times, if nothing else. the simultanious level of awareness and ignorance in the world right now is staggering. my confidence has been shot as of late. i think self absorbtion is to blame, once my neuroses are triggered, without an outlet, i unravel. it really is quite a catharsis, the build and release. ultimately i do it to myself, but i supppose i enjoy it ;) the changing of the seasons always brings change in life, i find myself in a very important moment, and that being a part of what is going on in the world, is very significant. i think we have to make some very difficult descisions, as a nation, and i find myself for the first time wanting to be partiotic. i want to be proud of our country and be a positive influence on it. well, that was a lot i had to get out... i always have to remind myself, "just paint what you like", if i did that from the begining i wouldn't have to go through this everytime. i think i know what my next series will be... sweet